Raise your hand if you’re tired of trying to please people only to barely survive their judgments of you. Keep that hand up if you’re tired of using your precious energy to judge yourself and others.
There are few areas of life people are more concerned about being judged than how they earn, invest, save and spend their money. Maybe what they eat is a close second. (Note: Do NOT, I repeat, Do NOT suggest that you forgo group snacks at your child’s soccer game. I’m still stinging from that social media thread from 2010.)
The “I HATE Budgeting (But I Like Having Money)” support group met to discuss this topic.
My thought for this discussion was this: We humans have a tendency (some more than others) to form opinions about what is “right” and then proceed to condemn people (maybe even ourselves!) who do not live their lives according to our idea of what is “right.”
For example, we may believe that it is “right” to avoid credit card debt. Perhaps we know someone who has found themselves in this financial predicament and think, “Well, she shouldn’t have done thus-and-so. I don’t do thus-and-so and therefore I am right and safe from such a predicament.”
What good does this kind of judgment do? What benefit does it offer?
Answer: NOTHING, it merely keeps us stuck in a thought pattern.
And, just so you know, humble pie is always on the menu.
We had a great discussion about this topic of judgment and how it affects our decisions with money. Janine, one of our regulars, remarked how judgment is essential to navigate life, to make decisions. I don’t disagree, but I think she is saying poTAto and I am saying potato.
You will always be faced with decisions and will need to consult your inner wisdom to guide you to a choice that aligns with your values and priorities.
It helps if you have identified your values and priorities.
Others’ values & priorities may be different
and that must be okay with you if you hope to have peace.
Another regular, Mari McNeil, clarified that the kind of judgment we’re trying to avoid is not the one that assesses but, rather, the one that condemns (self or others). Precisely! Discernment, on the other hand, is seeking to know more and be guided by wisdom, patience and love.
Mari also shared that it is our job to love our family members and friends and that means allowing them to make mistakes – even disastrous ones – and be there to love them anyway. (Did I mention that buying rental property with a boyfriend isn’t a great idea? The fact that my parents and eventually my beloved husband love me despite that choice is huge.)
I work with a lot of people who avoid making any financial decisions because they’re afraid of making a mistake (read: lose money and be judged/pitied). Do you know what happens if you avoid making financial decisions? You’ll be left “wandering and squandering” and PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU ANYWAY!!!!
If we can learn to practice discernment to guide our financial decisions and also practice loving kindness with ourselves and our loved ones, we can then apply it to the broader world around us and lead lives of hope, peace and contentment.
I’m grateful to have received an email from one of my favorite (okay, they’re all my favorite) client’s today that included the sentence, “And for beginners (at whatever stage of life), you explain things clearly, without judgment.” I couldn’t ask for a more beautiful compliment! That indicates that I am doing my job: Creating a safe space for you to learn about money so you can make good decisions (as uniquely defined by you).
Need more than a blog post? Check out my new website www.lauberfinancialplanning.com and go to the “Let’s Talk” tab.